Sacred Spaces 389 – If the church is not talking about it, then where…


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Sacred Spaces 389 – If the church is not talking about it, then where…

23 July 2013


In our recent winter holidays, I helped on a three day Christian retreat called: Chrysalis.  Split into two “flights” (sections); one for guys and the other for girls.  So I was helping on the guy’s flight:

I was asked to do a talk on “the single life” which (in fact) really covers more than just a social status and rather is a humble attempt at looking at our sexuality when we grow up: dealing with sex, masturbation and other adolescence issues.


(Even writing that last sentence, feels awkward for me.)  Because this topic has become so taboo and awkward in Christian circles and in the church.  But why?


After I delivered the talk and answered a few questions at the Q & A session, I carried a mixture of feelings.  I did cover good ground in what I said, but there was so much more, I could have said.  I felt like I still left some guys with hurdles and unanswered questions in their minds.


But on this retreat thing, time is a constraint and also working with some conservative Christian folk/thought prevents some real stuff going down.


And it got me thinking:  Some of this adolescence stuff is not really covered by scripture.  Sometimes Christianity is not so “black and white.”

Sometimes there seem to be grey areas.  And for some, that scares them.  Why though?


(DISCLAIMER – don’t read NEXT paragraph if this stuff makes you feel awkward.)


I don’t really want to go into details.  But in a way, I felt I had to declare masturbation as a sin!!!  But I was not entirely happy with that.  Because biologically is doesn’t match.  With a God given sexuality that doesn’t match.  I think the answer needed to be expounded upon.  We need to tread into grey areas a bit further…


But like I said I won’t go into too much detail.


However my CHALLENGE is this:

Why are we not more OPEN when it comes to this topic and other relationship/adolescent topics?

I remember when I did my ski season in 2009/10 living among non-Christian people, how open and honest these people were.


Yes, sometimes they were crude and disgusting!  However they were honest with themselves.  And I respected that.


If our young people can’t talk to pastors / their church leaders about sex and other adolescent questions, where would they go?



We live in a real world with real issues.  How well are we tackling them?




Sometimes we’re called to bite our tongues

Sometimes we need to speak up

Sometimes we need to step into the grey

Because black, white and grey are all colours from you

Give us bravery

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7 thoughts on “Sacred Spaces 389 – If the church is not talking about it, then where…

  1. haha, when you got given the talk you knew the question was coming.
    you had loads of time to prepare 😀

    but yeah, the thing that always struck me was that there are always going to be those at the the tables that still have unanswered questions about all of the talks really, at the end of the weekend.

    • I know i had time to prepare. But i think its not just a simple black and whote answer… where i am very nervous to point judging fingers or cast stones. because the answer requires a bigger explanation and i couldnt really get that out… without having some good time for discussion. well at least some seeds were sown…
      i do think the chrysalis model needs to be reworked a bit. maybe less talks… maybe more open discussion… many other suggestions.. thanks for the comment Hilton. 🙂

  2. Friend I believe we change things when we handle them differently. Simple. If you’re honest with your youth they will be honest back and from the sounds of things they were more than happy to engage you with questions – our reticence was taught to us, we need not pass it on. One thing that does concern me tho is this. **I felt I had to declare masturbation as a sin!!!** why the ‘need’ to? our handling of sexuality in the church is antiquated and I believe damaging. Keep being honest and keep encouraging dialogue G-d knows these kids are talking about it anyway, why not within a safe and loving space like the church. You raise a valid point D.

    • Thank you blissphil for comment. I hear you a lot. this was a difficult post to upload… kinda wearing my heart on my sleeve a bit. but toally agree. honesty is what we need. and church NEEDS to be the safe place we can speak about this stuff.

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